Suspending Students For Not Shooting Up?!! -- I Smell Opportunities...

Well, if one doesn’t like attending school and wouldn’t mind contracting a few diseases here and there, then now’s the time to be living in Ottawa.

It appears Ottawa Public Health have gone and suspended over 900 students for nearly three weeks because they have not received their proper immunization shots—or at least have nothing in the OPH’s files to show for it. A further 800 students will be suspended in the days ahead if their immunization records are not updated to suit the bureaucrats’ despotic demands.

Now, before I go any further, I should point out that this whole story begs a question from the get-go: Aren’t such adolescent immunizations carried out within the direct context of the public school system any longer—like they were in our parents’ and grandparents’ day? If not, then why not? If so, then how did over 1,700 students fall through the cracks?

True, no one in their right mind wants a situation where every second person is coming down with measles or whooping cough. Still, these measures strike me as being rather drastic and more than a little non-constructive—at least on an academic level.

I’ve given it a little thought, however, and these drastic measures do have their advantages for students. Specifically, such bureaucracy allows the students a chance to legally escape those concentration camps called “schools”—the institutions to which they’ve been sent until the dolts in government and organized religion figure they’re old enough to vote, smoke, drink and shag.

There’s something in this for everybody: the morons can happily avoid learning how to spell their own names, and can get back to their gang wars and drive-by shootings; the “achievers” and popularity contest winners can gain more exposure by squawking about their unfair predicament on national television; and the genuinely intelligent youth (like Yours Truly) can take a break from the mandatory propaganda and downright bullshit the bureaucrats call a “curriculum”—our kind is largely self-educated anyway.

There’s a potentially lucrative element to be found in this story, too: drastic measures like these may allow students and their greedy, neglectful parents a perfect opportunity to sue Ottawa Public Health on grounds of unconscionable treatment! Such lawsuits, in fact, would amount to sheer poetic justice. Think about it. The crummy modern schools—which won’t allow running, jumping or even touching for fear of inciting an injury claim—would be indirectly involved in that which the bureaucrats fear most: being held financially liable for their own short-sightedness. Yummy.

Yes, it appears that even enforcing mass inoculation can prove injurious—not to the students, but to the state pocketbook.